
I'm expecting a 62 pound piece of furniture to be delivered this evening by UPS. Unfortunately, I have a conflict of interest (I'm going to watch the adorable Rafael Nadal play at the US Open).
I called UPS to warn them that I won’t be there to accept the delivery if they don’t arrive between 6 and 6:30. This is the conversation:
Me: I won’t be there to accept the delivery if they don’t arrive between 6 and 6:30
UPS: Don’t you have a neighbor who can let them in?
Me: Not anyone that will be home at that time.
UPS: Do you have a friend that can come over and wait?
Me: Not at that time.
UPS: Do you have a boyfriend or a landlord or super?
Me: What I need is a houseboy.
UPS: GIIIIIIIRL, you KNOW that would solve so many problems!
Never were truer words spoken.
Pictured is a pair of “houseboy shorts" that American Apparel sells. Yes, I own them. Yes, I wear them. (Sorry, Doug; And Doug borrows them when he comes over. Of course he looks much better in them than this guy)